Marriage as a Partnership

I know it’s been forever since I last wrote. I hate that because I feel like I can never continue something I start! However, school is finished (thank the Lord!) and the wedding is in four (that’s 4!) weeks!

Having the time to think about it leads to even more thinking. I have 30 minutes for my wedding ceremony. Thirty short minutes. There’s so much I want to do!

Last fall, at one point when I was ranting on about not being engaged, I talked about marriage… I talked about why it is important to God, and that I shouldn’t feel that something so seemingly simple in the grand scheme of things is too small that it should be overlooked to my Father in heaven. My marriage to Roland is the closest I can get to the relationship that I, as a follower of Christ, have with my Savior.

That being said, on my wedding day, although I will be the one walking down the aisle with the pretty white dress, I don’t want it to be about me. I want it to be about us. And I don’t mean just me and Roland. I mean me, Roland, and the God who fashioned us in His image, who redeemed us from death, and who brought us together. And, really, I want to display that throughout the wedding ceremony. And with thirty minutes, there’s only so much you can do!

We want prayer, communion, worship, Scripture reading (not in that particular order) amongst the vows and exchanging of rings and (of course) the kiss. [That being said, if there are any past brides out there who have performed this feat, please comment and teach me your ways!!] But I don’t want to just try to squeeze all of this into a thirty minute ceremony. While I want it there, I also want to keep it going throughout the rest of my life with Roland.

This marriage, although it can survive without Christ being the center, will never thrive unless He is. I can’t assure it will be easy. In fact, I can assure that it won’t be!

Bethany Dillon, the young woman wise beyond her years, whom I’ve also written about previously, explained it perfectly in her song Say Your Name:

I’m trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I’m a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul goes on one of his rants, which, in my opinion, are so fun to read. They’re usually confusing because He says a lot and sometimes it seems like He’s going around in circles, hence why it sounds more like a rant. But he just comes to the issue from every perspective. This one is about marriage…

To paraphrase, marriage is fine and everything, but if you’re not married, you really shouldn’t get married, because then you’ll be torn between focusing on your spouse and focusing on God. Then again, marriage isn’t bad, and by no means should you end your marriage if you aren’t married, because it is not a sin to be married. Oh, and if you can’t “contain yourself,” do yourself a favor and get married because it’s better to do that then to sin.

Confused yet?

Paul’s main point in all of this was that marriage, although it is a wonderful thing, really tears you from alone time with God.

So here I am. I want to have a wedding ceremony that blesses my God. But I have to continue that into my marriage if I want Him to bless the marriage. That means I can’t rely on Roland for everything. I’ve been guilty of doing it before. I’ve been let down. Because Roland, although he is a wonderful man and I am so in love with him, and he is in love with me, is simply incapable of knowing my every need and fulfilling them.

That’s why marriage is a partnership… two people coming together as one and communing with Jesus Christ.

Christmas is Real.

It’s that time of year, when the world falls in love. Every song you hear seems to say, Merry Christmas, may your new year dreams come true.

Merry Christmas, friends! It’s been a long, stressful, crazy busy month and I’ve barely had a moment to sit and write a decent blog. That said, I think that the holidays are a wonderful time to start again!

As we already established, today is Christmas.

Mary was real. Joseph was real. Jesus was real. (And still is, I might add.)
For a moment, let’s try to picture that first Christmas Eve. Mary and Joseph are heading into town. Mary’s water had already broken. She’s trying to stay comfortable while riding a donkey into Bethlehem, but she’s having contractions every five minutes, and she is anything but comfortable. She’s saying to Joseph, “Let’s just stop here so I can at least rest without constantly moving!” And he’s getting flustered and scared as he tells her that there is no way that she is giving birth in the middle of nowhere. He knocks on the door of an inn, asks for a room. The innkeeper looks at him and thinks, “Listen, buddy, it’s not my fault you didn’t make reservations two weeks ago!” And tells him that they’re booked. As he is about to close the door, he hears Mary let out a scream in writhing pain. He feels compassion and he gives them all that he has to offer.
A stable.
Now, a stable isn’t exactly ideal for birthing, but it’s a step up from a moving donkey and a dirt road.
Mary collapses on the hay from the pain and screams some more as she instinctively pushes. Moments later, the baby is crying, and Joseph is holding the baby he just delivered. He takes one look and his heart melts. “He’s perfect.”

He really is perfect.

He is the perfect Son of God who was born this day more than two thousand years ago. He was born to save the souls of man.

Can you imagine it?
Silent Night, Holy Night
Son of God loves pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth

Who knows? Maybe there really were radiant beams glowing from His face, as a way of showing the “dawn of redeeming grace” — because He really was Lord from birth.
Hallelujah.

That night, God showed that new “dawn” in the form of an amazing star. I often look up at the sky and wonder if the bright star I see could even compare to the one that wise men saw. What really gets me, though, is the fact that an angel came to the shepherds. I’m sure that one of them would have thought they were just hallucinating if the other two hadn’t been totally awestruck as well.
The star was real. The wise men were real. The shepherds were real. The angel was real.

The angel’s first words were “Do not be afraid, for I bring good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.
…For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you. You will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”
(and this is the part that really gets me:
And, suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest! And on earth, peace be to men.”
(Luke 2 : 10 – 14)

And the shepherds went, because when you suddenly see an angel talking, and then with the angel a multitude more of angels, you’re going to be floored.

I leave this final verse from a familiar Christmas carol. Read the words. Pay attention to the magnitude of them. Then come, adore Him.

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye, to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him, born the King of angels;
O come let us adore Him,
O come let us adore Him,
O come let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.

Merry Christmas.

Could it Be??

First off to all of you amazing readers:
I know what day it is. I know I’ve neglecting posting anything for close to two weeks. But, in my defense, I had two crazy weekends in a row (the second crazier than the first) and the time in between, I was sick, and with that sickness came fever, and with the fever, delirium. And, trust me, you do not want to read what I would have written in a state of delirium.

But here is something that you DO want to read.
On Monday, November 21st, 2011, Roland proposed to me!!
I suppose you all want to know the story, don’t you? Regardless, I want to tell it!! =D

On Sunday night, Roland told me that he wanted to have breakfast on Monday morning before my classes start — Mondays are my busiest days with back to back classes beginning at 11 am and ending at 7 pm. But I figured breakfast with the love of my life is worth it. =)
On Monday morning, I woke up at around 8:45. I checked my phone and saw that I had no text from Roland and I was a bit confused, wondering if he had slept in or forgot that he wanted to have breakfast today. So, I texted him at 8:49, and two minutes later, he walked into my room.
Of course, without the warning that he was coming, I was still in bed, phlegm in my throat and nose (yes, you need the mental image), hair messed up, groggy-looking, swollen eyes from being sick, and a super raspy voice. I thank God that he didn’t run for the door!
I went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and, of course, blow my nose. Repeatedly. I managed to get changed, put on some blush, do my hair, and everything else in under twenty minutes. (I think I redeemed myself!) Unfortunately, I still had to print out a take-home quiz that was due by 4:30 that afternoon and some other things that took up a lot of time. I also decided to take my own car, though we had agreed to drive together, because it is so much easier to not carry everything for all my classes at once.

We decided to go the diner right by my school and, when we got into our respective cars, he told me to follow him. At one point, he turned when he should have went straight. Thinking we were supposed to head toward my school, I went straight, and I called him. He told me that I was supposed to follow him. (He also claims that he told me before we left that he wanted to make on stop, but I have zero recollection of that…) So, I turned, and I ended up behind him again.
He ended up pulling over at a reservation where we had our first kiss about two years before while star-gazing one cold night in November. We stood in the field at the approximate spot where we first kissed, and we got to talking about that November night and our firsts:
Our first day on September 1st at the bench in the park across from our church.
Our first date on October 3rd at a local cafe.
The first time we held hands on October 17th in my car in a rainstorm.
Our first pictures together on November 1st at Washington Rock.
Our first kiss on November 16th underneath shooting stars.
The first time we said I love you on April 25th.

I thought of him proposing while we were there. I figured he would have done it as soon as we got there if he was going to at all that day, so I dismissed the thought and had no expectations of him proposing that day. Besides, I thought that, if anything, it would be this coming weekend.

As we were walking back to our cars though, he stopped and he said that’s there’s one more “first,” one that will start all of the rest of the firsts. I asked what he meant, and he said that I knew what he meant. But, of course, I didn’t take him seriously, because he has teased me on this so many times before!
So, even when he got down on one knee, I didn’t have a reaction because, well, I still wasn’t taking him seriously.
It wasn’t until he got out a little black velvet box that my eyes widened and heart froze. I just remember looking at the ring and looking at him and hearing him ask me to marry him, and standing there in shock, not believing any of this because it was just too good to be true!

The most gorgeous ring I have ever seen!

It took me a few seconds, but I nodded my head, since my voice didn’t want to come out just yet. He gave me a huge hug and we kissed once more in that field, and as he was putting on the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen, I kept on saying, “This isn’t real! Are you kidding me?!!”

We ended up going to a Starbucks nearby and talking, in the little time that we had, about everything we could fit into our conversation. His story of the ring and our story and our WEDDING and everything else we could think of!

When I tell people the story, they asked if I cried. Nope! I couldn’t cry! I was too much in shock to cry. I couldn’t believe that the love of my life was actually on one knee in the wet grass in front of me, asking me to marry him. I still can’t fully believe it!

But there it is… the beginning of the climax to our story. =) I’m engaged and I am so incredibly happy and excited! Almost everyone we know has been sending us their congratulations… it’s so exciting to know that our relationship is not just affecting us, but that we have an amazing group of friends and family supporting us every step of the way.
We love you all so much and thank you for your prayers and warm wishes!

And, as my brother said, we have to keep our eyes on God and make sure that He is first at all times. And, of course! He brought Roland into my life, and now he and I are on the brink of marriage. God hasn’t failed us yet, and He never will. So, thank You Lord for this ordaining this romance and not letting anything bring us down and for keeping us together — I pray the we will only bless You in everything we do!
Can I get an amen?

A Strange Faith

‎I, I am He who comforts you; who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass, and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, and you fear continually all day because of the wrath of the oppressor, when he sets himself to destroy? And where is the wrath of the oppressor?
– Isaiah 51:12-13 –

Sometimes, life stinks. It’s hard. And I’m not talking about petty issues like lack of a ring on my finger. I’m talking about real things. Death. Divorce. Custody battles. In the midst of these things, it is so easy to hang our heads low and wonder where God is, asking Him why for everything. Life’s not fair. It’s not fair that a teenage girl passed away and left hearts aching. It’s not fair that a 3-year-old girl has to grow up living with Mommy half the time and Daddy the other half. It’s so easy to get broken about these things.

I got a free download in my email today for John Mark McMillian’s Love You Swore, from his new album Economy.
In the song, he sings words that are so true to what I feel right now:
Harbor me in the eye of the storm
I’m holding on to love you swore

…why do we doubt? When life gets rough, why do we look at the reality around us and doubt that God can do anything? Peter walked on water, but when he looked at the waves around him and realized that it just didn’t make sense that he could be walking on the water and he sank. When Jesus helped him up, he didn’t say “Are you OK? What happened?” He scolded his friend and said, “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
If Peter never worried, he would have been OK. He would have followed Jesus blindly. In Matthew 6, Jesus tells us that worrying will never add a day to life.
So why do we do it?

I’m the first to admit that I look at the waves, especially in my relationship, realizing the fact that there is still no ring on my finger and today marks 26 months. It’s hard to see past the waves. But it hit me today… I am facing one of the hardest things this week. My niece, aka part-time-daughter, might be leaving to another state because Mommy wants to get away from here. It’s on my mind so much, and the thought of her leaving makes me weep. I cannot imagine life without seeing her every weekend.
But I am filled with a… strange faith. I was think about it, on the verge of tears, when I remembered that verse in Isaiah 51. Who am I to be afraid of what mortal man can do? (Just as a side note, this isn’t a “happy move” that is well planned out. It is literally tearing a family apart.)
I would always get upset when people in church would say to pray for healing and only healing when someone is sick. What if God wants to take them and give them a better life and an ultimate healing? Why can’t we pray for His will to be done? Because maybe, it’s not for the person to live any longer on this wretched earth. But in this case, I know His will. He spells it out in His word. He desires for a husband and wife to be together, that they would raise their children together in love.
The truth is, I don’t know what God is up to. But I serve a God of miracles who does His work in the eleventh hour. He’s not a procrastinator. But that’s when we need help the most, and it wouldn’t be the same if He came to our rescue any earlier. It’s like in a movie, when the “good guy” saves the “damsel in distress,” it’s always at the very last second, when she thinks the whole situation is hopeless. But he saves her, and she is in awe of what he just did, and generally falls in love with her on the spot.
We, people, are the damsel in distress. Christ is the good guy. He’s always there to save us right when we need it the most.

So I don’t worry. God sees the situation. I don’t have to lay out every reason for Him. I’m no lawyer. But I trust Him. He’s going to step in, do His thing, and not take any loved one away because of somebody’s selfish, bitter decisions. He is almighty. And I really feel like we need to have faith. Because the battle is the Lord’s and what we fear is not in the spiritual realm.

And where is the wrath of the oppressor?

A Hope That Cannot Be Seen

I had an exam in the worst class possible my Earth Science class this morning at 8. I took it seriously, wanting to wake up by 7 am so I will have ample time to get ready and make the horrific drive down to school yet again. So, I set my alarm for 6:45 — totally did not hear it! My mom came into my room and told me that it was “7:35! … On a Wednesday!” (Was that last part really necessary?!) I woke up, groggy as ever, looked at the time on my phone: 7:33, and I dragged myself out of bed.

It took forever to get ready this morning! Brushing my teeth and washing my face was fine, but it was getting back into my room, my freezing cold room, that I decided I didn’t want to move — I just wanted to keep warm underneath four blankets, like I was only ten minutes before. Of course, though, I got changed.

Before I got changed, though, I looked at the weather. It was 56 degrees outside, and the temperature was to rise to 72 degrees — a nice, pleasant, warm day?
But what did I do?
I did what anyone in my position would do! I bundled up! You could have told me it was going to be 90 degrees that day, and I still would have had no regard for what’s to come! It was freezing in my room and that’s all I knew — it’s all I could know! Even the moment I stepped outside, where it was chilly, but by no means “freezing,” was I shivering underneath all my layers.
And this got me thinking…

This is a perfect picture of a Christian’s life.
How many people have you met who claim to be born again and saved by the Blood who are just weary and weak and hopeless, myself included? We know, because His Word tells us, that there are brighter days ahead and that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us (Romans 8:18).” In fact, that whole portion of Romans 8 is there to give us a hope amidst suffering.
And yet we, although Christian, are human so we forget about what Paul told us in those God-inspired verses.

Glory days, friends — they are what await us! How do I know this? Because “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good (8:28A).” So even though I fret because I’m 20 years old and not engaged (yes, I totally realize how ridiculous I sound) only because I thought I would be married by now, I have a hope that, if I trust God and love Him as my first Love, that he will take all this obnoxious waiting for reasons that I cannot comprehend and turn it into something good and use it for the better. Lord, forgive me for not trusting in You as I should have been!
We have a good God — One who really does have our best interest at heart, and the awesome thing is that He knows what that is and how to use every little thing to our advantage.

Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience (24B, 25).